I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
