I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
