I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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