It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
