Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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