very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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