Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
