OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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