im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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