so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
