please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
