sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
