well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
