hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
