he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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