she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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