drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
