If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
