I am in a vortex of obligation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
