she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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