what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
