dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
