he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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