I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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