I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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