Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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