Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
