You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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