i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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