I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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