I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got inside last night via doggy door
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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