I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
