How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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