Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
