I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
