A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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