WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
