fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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