i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
