She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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