to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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