My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
