I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize