let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize