Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
