I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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