??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
