My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
