There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we should paint friendship bongs
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