the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
