Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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