we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
