stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
