Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
