I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You pole danced in your parka.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
