We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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