Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
