I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How does one acquire holy water?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
