She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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