I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
