I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
