So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
