First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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