pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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