I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
