Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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