dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
