Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize