Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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