I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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